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This, That, The Other,...and LOTS of SEX!*

Thursday, March 11, 2004

ANNOUNCEMENTS

North Fulton YRs Candidate Social

The North Fulton Young Republicans ("NFYRs") are hosting a series of Candidate Socials where people get the opportunity to sit down and discuss, in a fairly intimate setting, ideas and platforms with candidates of various campaign levels.

This Friday, March 12, the NFYRs are delighted to have the following candidates as speakers:

- Johnny Isakson, candidate for US Senate
- Chuck Clay, candidate for US Congress
- Dave Greenspan, candidate for State Senate
- Daryll Triplett, candidate for Fulton County Sheriff


These socials are held from 6-8pm at Capellini's Restaurant located at 10595 Old Alabama Road Connector, in Alpharetta (30022). If you wish to order an appetizer, meal or drinks, Capellini's can accommodate and the room will be set up accordingly. Capellini's menu is extensive and the dining room will be open until 10pm. There are no additional costs associated with this event.

For any questions or further information, please visit our site at NFYR.org.


Lamutt Holds Open House At New HQ

Lamutt for Congress has moved its campaign office out of the dingy digs its been suffering through for the past 12 months to a new location designed to to increase the campaign’s presence in the 6th District.

The new location is at:
3939 Roswell Rd.-Suite 10
Marietta, GA 30062.


There will be an Open House on Saturday, March 27 from 12-2 pm at the new office.

For Further Information Contact:

Andy Payment, Communications Director
Lamutt for Congress
o) 770-552-4240
c) 404-433-4086

If This Isn't True Now, It Soon Will Be

Subject: Car Jacking Scheme

Imagine:

You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. Then you lock all your doors, start the engine and shift into REVERSE.

Habit!

You look into the rear-view window to back out of your parking space and you notice a piece of paper, some sort of advertisement stuck to your rear window. So, you shift into PARK, unlock your doors and jump out of your vehicle to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view...

...when you reach the back of your car, that is when the car-jackers jump out of no where...jump into your car and take off --your engine was running, your purse is in the car, and they practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.

BE AWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME!

Just drive away and remove the paper that is stuck to your window later and be thankful that you read this email and that you forwarded it to your friends and family.

Things You Learn In Strange Places

So, the staff of the Political Vine ventured out this past Wednesday evening for a night of what's called "political theater" at a place near the Virginia-Highland area called Dad's Garage. The event was moderated by Ken Edelstein of Creative Loafing.

The show featured Republican U.S. Senate Candidate Herman Cain, Democrat U.S. Senate Candidate Nadine Thomas, Defense Attorney Bruce Harvey, and WSB Radio host Royal Marshall. The format is that Edelstein starts it off with a question directed at whomever, and the back-and-forth begins. This goes on for about 10-15 minutes and then they open it up for audience Q&A.

At one point, Edelstein directed a question at Cain on gay marriage and adultery. Cain indicated that he was for the constitutional amendment defining marriage as one man and one woman. When Edelstein asked him would he also be for a constitutional amendment banning adultery, Cain responsed "No, we already have laws prohibiting that."

Later on, a member of the audience asked Nadine Thomas a question: "Since the Democrats were in charge of this state for 130 some-odd years, why is it that we're last in education?"

Thomas answered "I've been in the legislature for 13 years and I was there to vote for the HOPE Scholarship and that has helped educate more people, and the other element [i.e., the GOP-controlled state senate] wants to rip HOPE apart and dismantle it, and blah-blah-blah.."

When the event ended, the PV asked Thomas if she understood that the HOPE scholarship was something that applied to the kid after the SAT scores and her answer didn't address the question of why we were dead-last after 130 years of Dem control. Thomas just looked at the PV with a blank look and then re-directed her attention to people coming to shake her hand.

All we gotta say is its a good thing that legislators like Thomas and Freckled-Legs (Mary Squires) think enough of themselves to go run for U.S. Senate. Thank goodness these idiots are vacating the premises and will fertilize some other political landscape with their drivel.

[As a footnote, the PV is pretty sure we were in a room full of liberals and people of the homosexual lifestyle. Yet, we did not feel threatened, nor did we feel as though we should join them in their lifestyle. Compare that to every time we go down to the State Capitol and are among liars, cheaters, thieves, and adulterers, and, we start wishing we could be just as immoral as they are. What an interesting dichotomy to be exposed to...]

The Power Of The Asterick (*)

Rumors have it that the NCAA is considering revising the records of all of the University of Georgia's ("UGA") basketball scores during Jim Harrick, Jr.'s reign as coach by adding an * beside each of the scores. The * will denote a...special "circumstance" under which the games were played.

Our inside source on this issue indicated that because Harrick, Jr. "tested" (sic) his basketball player students using a final exam that violated the miniumum standards of UGA's academic qualifications (whatever the heck that entails), it is quite possible that these basketball players would have been deemed ineligible to play for UGA to start with; thus, the games they won deserve to be asterick-ed.

One UGA grad whom we spoke to, whom shall remain anonymous, had this response to our inquiry of how he felt about the news: "It's a disaster. It's humiliating. All of a sudden, that underwater-basket-weaving degree I have seems worthless. I guess I'll just go into politics..."

How Low(e) Can Tom Go?

Rumors have it that the Fulton County Commission will need 2 Republican slots filled in this year's upcoming election season; one to replace Commissioner Bob Fulton, who passed away last month. And the other, to replace Tom Lowe, who is alive, but apparently he has lost control of his grey matter.

Last week, Commissioner Emma Darnell (D) made a motion to give the staff of Bob Fulton a two weeks notice and then send them on their way. This was opposed by Commission Chairman Karen Handel (R) on the basis of though Commissioner Fulton was not there, there were still matters of constituency services that had to be dealt with by the staff.

The Demmies on the commission all voted to support Darnell's motion, in spite of the logic of the constituency services needing to be maintained (guess the black liberals couldn't care less about the tax-paying honkeys in North Fulton).

But, the surprise came when "Republican" Tom Lowe voted right along with the Dems. Only Karen Handel voted against the proposal.

Time for Tom to be put out for pasture...or, maybe just go straight to the soap-making factory.

Exactly Where Does State Senator Vincent Fort Live?

Rumors have it that Senator Vincent Fort (D) ("I'm a little teapot, short and stout...here is my handle, here is my spout...") isn't living in the district he was elected to represent.

Reports are that he has no job as professor since Morris Brown College went bankrupt. And, supposedly, his wife has booted him out of the house. And, supposedly, he has been spotted with a young lady (on several occasions) who works at a college located in the vicinity of the northern part of 285.

SO, if he's not living in his district, how can he legally represent that district? Hmmmm...
Joke Time!

Question: How do you tell the difference between liberals, conservatives, and Southerners?

Answer: Pose the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges. You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Liberal Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Conservative Answer:

BANG!

Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

click....(sounds of reloading).

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips??
It's A Dog's Life

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
~ Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
~ Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then, when I die, I want to go where they went.
~ Will Rogers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
~ Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
~ Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
~ Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
~ M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
~ Sigmund Freud

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
~ Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
~ Robert Benchley

Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items,which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard.
~ Dave Barry

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
~ Franklin P. Jones

If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
~ James Thurber

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
~ Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can! That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
~ Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul ~~ chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
~ Anne Tyle

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
~ Robert A. Heinlein

Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
~ Dave Miliman

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that's the principal difference between a dog and a man.
~ Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, "Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"
~ Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
~ Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
~ Phil Pastoret
Integrity Test

With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately.

YOUR TEST: You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact... There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods...There are huge masses of water all over you...You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destroying power and is ripping everything away with it. You see a woman in the water; she is fighting for her life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the woman looks familiar. Suddenly you know who it is - it's Hillary Clinton!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take her away, forever. You have two options. You can save her or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of Hillary Clinton, or you can shoot a Pulitzer Prize winning photo --- a unique photo displaying the death of one of the country's most powerful women. And here's the question: (Please be honest)

Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?
*Ooohhh...sorry, no "real" sex this time either. Just the normal, everyday incidents of politicians screwing constituents and other politicians.


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